i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
