Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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