I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
