we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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