You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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