Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
