Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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