Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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