You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
