It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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