so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
