their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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