i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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