he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
