her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
