thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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