so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
there was a trapeze. enough said
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
