yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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