No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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