I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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