Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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