I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
