I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
