The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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