Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
