He uses pillows to masturbate.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
