There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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