i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
