I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
