we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
