there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
