i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
