If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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