Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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