i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
