I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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