cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
