You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
