Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
