when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
