I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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