last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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