What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
