Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
