Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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