We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
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