i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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