I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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