dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
