can we get nightvision for the apartment?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
