Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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