____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
