Kiss
Puke
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
