i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
