You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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