He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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