I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
