dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
