Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
