why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
