I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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