Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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