The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
