also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
