I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
