i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
