No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
