Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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