The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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