I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
