hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Someone signed my nipple.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
