after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
